Can you demonstrate effective listening?  This question falls within a cluster of behaviours that we call respect and empathy. This is important, because although listening is a skill that you can improve with effort and attention, it demonstrates that it’s part of a broader competency about your ability to genuinely connect with others.

Here is the full set of behaviours that are closely linked to listening:

You would be very unusual if you could get better at listening without also improving other linked behaviours such as empathising with others, showing respect for your co-workers, and treating people fairly. Fundamentally, the way people close that listening deficit gap is by genuinely caring about other people and what they’re thinking – good listening is not just a set of skills, it’s a whole outlook. And the net result will be positive relationships with your colleagues and effective work.

Mind the gender gap

There’s one other perspective to think about: gender differences. Respect and empathy are areas where women consistently score higher than men. And this is just as true for effective listening itself. This should be no surprise if you understand that effective listening is simply one aspect of relating to and empathising with others. This is shown most clearly by how often people are rated as excellent (rated 5 on a 5-point scale):

On average, men are not as good at listening as women; there are significantly more women who are excellent at this than men, and this pattern is exactly mirrored in ‘poor’ ratings too, where more men than women are rated as bad at listening. And this is probably because men are generally not as empathetic and focused on relationships. That’s just how they are.

Interestingly, women don’t actually recognise that in themselves – on average women are less likely to consider themselves as excellent at listening than men are.

Of course there are lots of men who are great listeners, and lots of women who are terrible listeners. But on average women are better listeners than men. So if you want to learn to be a better listener, pay attention to what your female colleagues are doing right, and tell them what a good listener they are too because they might not realise it!

Thanks to Mark Ainsworth, (March 6, 2013 by ainsworld).

Call us on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk if you’d like to discuss any of the issues raised here.

The post The question of listening appeared first on Shine Consulting.

What is your reaction to obstacles? Do you think:

‘That’s it, I knew this would happen, whenever I try and achieve something, I always get problems, why do I even try?’

‘I knew this would happen, I always get ill or something happens, I’m hopeless.’

‘OK, another obstacle, I must be doing something right to encounter such resistance!’

It is easy to get disillusioned, feel defeated or beat yourself up when things don’t go as planned when, in the face of obstacles, you need to do the exact opposite. You need to admit to your frustrations and negative emotions, be kind to yourself, re-group, and if necessary, change your strategy. You need to get practical, emotional, mental and/or spiritual support to keep you going and moving forward.

Who or what can help you on your journey? Now, you might be sitting there thinking, ‘Where are they?!’ But if you look around you they are probably there, but you have not noticed them. They might be:

• At work – a colleague, manager or even client who you connect with, and always seems to say the right thing and inspire you when you speak to them.
• Within your family and friends – is there a friend who you usually turn to who gives you new perspectives on a situation? Sometimes within families it is not the person closest to you, but a wise aunt, uncle or cousin.
• Within you – tapping into your wise self, your own inner wisdom which is always there, but often gets clouded out by the negative chatter of your inner critic and fearful child.
• Around you – is there a particular book, poem, website or quote which inspires you to look differently at your situation?
• Activities – are there activities that you do that help to keep body and soul together to help you move towards your goals? This could be meditation, exercise, singing in a choir, walking in nature.

Give us a ring on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk if you’d like to discuss any of the issues raised here.

The post Dealing with the setbacks (part 2) appeared first on Shine Consulting.

When you set out to achieve your goals, do you expect your path to be straightforward, and assume that by positive thinking you’ll avoid any setbacks? Or are you not expecting any setbacks?

Setbacks can be a sign that you are moving forward. So rather than be put off by obstacles, you can accept them as part of the journey and learn how to deal with them. Taking the metaphor of a car on a journey, you can stay parked outside your house and not encounter any traffic jams, diversions or oil changes. But you won’t get very far sitting outside your house! Once you venture out there may be difficulties ahead, but you also might find yourself somewhere new and fantastic.

Here are some likely scenarios:

• You set yourself a goal, and at this point you’re on the threshold of the journey, but have not as yet set out on the journey. You may hesitate, procrastinate or give up at this stage.
• You start to move forward, and meet obstacles, most of which come from within. Many of the dragons and monsters in myths are of course metaphors for us wrestling with our inner demons. And some people get stuck at this stage and give up.
• You encounter a mentor or something helps you on your way. It could be a kind friend, a wise colleague, an inspiring book or something else that helps you move forward.
• You have a revelation and learn something about yourself, and life, which helps you towards your goal.
• You continue on your journey, eventually returning ‘home’ a changed person.

There are of course positive results caused by outside events, but whenever you decide to move your life forward, change yourself in some kind of way, you have the potential to reach somewhere fantastic. It all depends on how much you move outside your comfort zone, and start to embark on your journey.

Sometimes circumstances force you into change; for example, critical illness, redundancy, a partner unexpectedly leaving or even joyful events such as the birth of a first child, marriage or moving jobs.  However, unless you see the opportunity, you can get tangled in the obstacles or fail to grasp the opportunity for growth, and you do not return a changed person.

What kinds of obstacles are there? Sometimes they are obvious (you start a new fitness regime and pull a muscle), sometimes much more subtle (your child is sick and you can’t get on with your plans).

Think back to goals you have set yourself, in and out of work, and the obstacles that you have encountered. Think about your response to them: did you rise to the challenge or fall at the first hurdle?

More in part 2 later this week….

If this blog post topic resonates with you, then give us a call on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk

The post Dealing with the setbacks appeared first on Shine Consulting.

In an intriguing set of experiments a few years ago, a group of American social scientists, led by Adam Galinsky at Northwestern University’s Kellogg School of Management, used the E test and some other techniques to investigate the connection between power and empathy.

The E test involves asking your boss to use his/her right index finger to draw a capital E on his/her forehead. The direction of that letter – whether he/she writes it so that you can read it or not – might tell you something about the disposition of that leader. This seemingly innocent party trick is actually a method social scientists have used for more than a decade to measure perspective-taking – the ability to step outside one’s own experience and see the world from someone else’s viewpoint.

People who write the E so that it’s backward to themselves but legible to others have taken the other’s perspective. Those who draw the E so that it’s readable to themselves but backward to others haven’t bothered to consider the other person’s point of view.

The scientists found that while most people seem naturally inclined to take the other’s perspective, providing people with a dose of power correlated with their being less likely to draw the E in the perspective-taking way. In other words, a surplus of power seemed to be connected, and perhaps even led, to a deficit of empathy.

As the researchers wrote: “Across these studies, power was associated with a reduced tendency to comprehend how others see, think, and feel.”

This finding might reveal what’s gone wrong with leadership at every level. On the altar of action orientation and tough-mindedness, we’ve sacrificed the fundamentally human quality of empathy.

To be sure, empathy shouldn’t be the only quality of leaders. Thinking strategically and acting vigorously are essential. But action orientation without sufficient empathy has at least two flaws. First, people resist going along with proposed actions, which can impede progress. It’s a sturdy principle of organisational life that people quit bosses, not companies. Second, if people do go along, they do so reluctantly, leading to an atmosphere of compliance rather than engagement.

You need to strike a delicate balance between action-orientation and perspective-taking. It’s not a matter of deciding between hitting your numbers or drawing the E. It’s a matter of hitting your numbers by drawing the E.

What’s more, unlike many technical skills, empathy is a scarce, and therefore more valuable, commodity. That’s why it’s racing into many other business functions. For instance, medical schools, especially in the US, are using questionnaires to measure empathy levels of young physicians because scores on this empathy index correlate with patient outcomes in ways that traditional metrics do not.

Designers are donning thick glasses to distort their vision, sticking cotton in their ears to reduce their hearing, and slipping on gardening gloves to limit their dexterity – all in an effort to design better products and services for the elderly by empathising with what it’s really like to be old.

And when so many consumer transactions can be executed online, learning how to see the world from the perspective of customers and prospects has become integral to customer service and sales.

Yet somehow in the higher reaches of business, even in our supposedly more enlightened era, empathy, when it’s discussed at all, is often dismissed as frivolous or, worse, “soft.”

So if you’re a boss, especially a new one, sprinkle a few seasonings on your newly acquired bowl of power. Talk less, listen more. Treat everybody with respect. And if one of your employees asks you to draw a vowel on your forehead, you know what to do.

Thanks to Daniel H. Pink.

If this blog post strikes a familiar chord, then give us a call on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk.

The post The soft side of your boss appeared first on Shine Consulting.

Few of you would choose to do things you are not proud of – personally or in the business environment.  However, recent years have seen a period of collective corporate madness, which seems to have started in the mid 1980s and appears to be ending now.

Almost anything (including death, war and deceit) could be justified as long as shareholder value could be invoked.  This madness was not without precedent; in the “glory” days of imperial expansion, British and Dutch corporations in particular indulged in war, murder and genocide in the joint names of empire and profit.

However, there is clear evidence today that the madness is ending – crushed by the credit crunch, exposed by the inevitable transparency of the internet and disempowered by a lack of people willing to sell their souls for a buck and the promise of promotion.

There was a curious symmetry to Lance Armstrong’s revealing story and Barclays’ announcement of new values and behaviour. The days of addiction-fuelled invincibility are over for Lance, for the banks, and for all of us. A new era of common human values, of integrity and honesty is spreading. It is becoming harder for those in positions of authority to abuse their power.

Authenticity can solve most of the problems of recent years.  All it needs is for globally influential corporations to commit to the creation of a values-based culture with authenticity and ethics at its heart.

Then you’ll be developing a future you can be proud of.

Thanks to Neil Crofts at www.neilcrofts.com

If you’d like to discuss any of the topics raised here, then give us a call on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk.

The post A new era of corporate authenticity? appeared first on Shine Consulting.

How can you become more effective in your verbal communication? By listening actively and questioning effectively.

If you don’t question effectively during verbal communication, then it’s unlikely you’ll understand what the speaker is talking about and you certainly won’t be capable of offering help.

Think about your questioning technique as a funnel.

At the top (wide part) of the funnel you ask questions that look for information, facts, feelings or attitudes about particular subjects. People do this by using open questions such as what, where, when, who, how and in some instances why.

In the mid part of the funnel you can start to follow a particular subject and ask more enquiring or probing questions using the acronym TED; Tell me more; Explain what you mean; Describe that for me.

As you exhaust each line of enquiry in the thin part of the funnel, you can start to evaluate what you’ve heard with the other person, summarising and gaining clarification of what you’ve heard, asking closed questions such as: “Does this make sense?” or: “Is that correct?” The use of closed questions at this point is to confirm or deny your understanding.

During the conversation and as trust builds, you’ll be able to ask deeper questions about how the other person feels about the subject, how it may be affecting them and how important it is to them.

Being curious and asking questions that are relevant will create a conversation rather than a series of unconnected questions.

Effective Listening

Of course we all listen – but how effectively?  There are three levels of effectiveness:

Level one: This is when you’re not paying full attention, tuning in and out of the conversation. This lack of attention will usually be reflected in your body language with a detached posture and blank stare.

Level two: You’re hearing the words but not really taking them in, or the significance of what is being said – and you’re certainly not empathising with the speaker about the content. Often the listener assumes the success of the verbal communication lies with the speaker. This is likely to lead to misunderstanding between parties. At level 1, it is obvious that the person is not listening; however, at level 2, the speaker may have a false sense of being listened to and understood.

Level three: When you listen, you become directly involved in the communication process and will often restate or paraphrase the message back for the speaker to hear. In doing so, you give feedback to the speaker concerning the clarity and accuracy of his message; he also develops a deeper appreciation of what you’re thinking and feeling.

Thus active listening encourages a true dialogue between the two parties in which both accuracy and mutual validation are achieved.

Very few people spend most of their time listening at level 3. Most of us listen at all three levels over the course of a day, but the more we listen at level 3, the more effective we will be.

Thanks to: Patrick Bird www.interactiveperformancemanagement.com

If you’d like to discuss any of the topics raised here, then give us a call on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk .

The post Effective questioning and active listening appeared first on Shine Consulting.

Many of us feel different when we return to work from a break. If you come back with better ideas, more energy and more creativity, it may be because your way of working is out of balance, or perhaps you’re just working too hard.

You were probably brought up with some sort of work ethic, with some sort of idea that success, wealth, prosperity, fulfilment were a direct consequence of hard work. It is an idea that has its roots in hierarchy. For millennia, religious and political rulers have promoted the idea that advancement was the consequence of working hard, not complaining and definitely not seeking to change things. Autocratic rulers’ interests are generally best served by compliant and hard working populations.

The idea is strongly embedded in our culture.

Conversely, wider society and innovative businesses are often best served by people being caring, conscious, conscientious and creative rather than just busy.

How many of you truly do jobs that are best delivered by working flat out?

How many jobs would be delivered better by creating more space to rest, recover, feel fresh and think about how to deliver value most effectively?

Think about an athlete – say a professional cyclist. It used to be that top riders would compete in everything they could, until they physically could deliver no more. With the pressure on to keep delivering more, riders looked for solutions. The skewed goal of over-competing inevitably steered riders in the direction of anything that would help them keep going. Pretty soon they got into a pharmaceutical “arms race”.

Good people, largely, compromising their ethics and their identity in pursuit of an impossible objective.

These days more enlightened teams pursue a much more focused strategy – identifying key high value objectives and designing the whole team around securing them and letting go of lower value objectives.

Design your teams and your work around very focused objectives, and work to “peak” for those objectives.

How many of you have been on a team, preparing for a key meeting or pitch where you have exhausted yourselves getting ready for the meeting, while simultaneously doing your day job and then expected yourselves to deliver a top performance in the meeting itself?

Conversely, how many of you have been in a meeting when you have listed all of the opportunities, evaluated their potential and then decided to ignore the 80% that offer the least value, in order to do a really good job with the other 20%?

Have you organised things so that you are completely prepared for the big presentation and then taken the day off to rest before the meeting?  How many of you work in teams where energy levels are actively optimised through rest, nutrition, focus and meaning as well as incentives?

These things are beginning to exist, with many companies providing drinking water and fruit and a few providing rest and relaxation spaces. It would be interesting to know how many organisational cultures truly support people going off for a nap during the working day.

It all comes back to what “real work” looks like and what you expect of each other and yourselves.

Thanks to Neil Crofts at www.neilcrofts.com

If you’d like to discuss any of the topics raised here, then give us a call on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk .

The post What does real work look like? appeared first on Shine Consulting.

Change is inevitable for individuals, businesses, communities and nations. Your only choice is how you work with it – it’s as simple as that.

There are essentially two types of change:

• Attraction-based change – where you see a better future and pursue it.
• Crisis-based change – where some disaster befalls you and you have to change.

Attraction-based change is often thought of as risky. It requires courage to let go of something that is still working to pursue a new dream. But you can’t create something new without also creating the space for it to exist. However, courage alone runs the risk of recklessness. You also need to be sure that you’re doing the right things and you need the skills to ensure that you’re doing things right.

The key fact about change is that if you fail to apply attraction-based change, then you automatically and inevitably get the alternative – crisis-based change.

Everyone’s familiar with crisis-based change; where events overtake you and you loose flexibility of choice – whatever the situation, whether it is a relationship, a corporation or a system of government in a country. If you don’t have the courage, wisdom and skill to make the attraction-based change, then you’ll get the crisis-based change anyway.

To avoid the crisis, you need the sensitivity to detect the signs and the humility to listen to them. The early signs are often subtle, vague and difficult to quantify or prove. This can make it extremely difficult to persuade those who believe that they are succeeding with their current trajectory. However, you always have to remember that it can be hard to tell the difference between flying and falling until it is too late.

Thanks to Neil Crofts at www.neilcrofts.com

If any of these issues strike a chord, then give us a call on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk.

The post Working positively with change appeared first on Shine Consulting.

Risk management isn’t the most exciting part of running a business, but it’s crucial to realise just how important it is to get the balance of risk right.

Too little risk and you can run a significant risk in itself – that your business does not grow or develop its full potential.

Too much of it and you run the risk of losing everything, or at least, more than you’d like!

So think about getting the balance right.  A good place to start is the strategic plan.  Your appetite for risk can be sharpened by focusing on the objectives in the plan. Playing a “what if” scenario will help crystallise the impact of each risk and assess the level of comfort you and your senior managers have for risks involved in delivering the plan.

It might be worth running scenario games in management meetings involving some of the categories mentioned below.  The exercise may also help you judge whether your strategic plan really is bold enough to deliver what the organisation needs to thrive and prosper.

Have a go at the following areas:

• Profit and loss, cash flow
• New products/services
• Acquisitions, mergers or collaboration
• Environmental impact
• Governance and compliance
• Human resources
• Reputation and brand recognition

A little risk is a good thing, so try it out and enjoy the process.

With thanks to Valerie Austin.

If you’d like to discuss any of the issues raised in this blog post, then give us a call on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk .

The post Inject a little risk appeared first on Shine Consulting.

Leaders growing their businesses perceive and assess risk in a variety of ways – even when they are facing the same risk.

Two things stand out – how you perceive the scale of the upside or downside, and your assessment of whether you can live with the downside.  Two mindsets seem to emerge – fixed and growth. Most of you will fluctuate somewhere along the continuum between the two, rather than be anchored at either end.

Leaning towards fixed suggests fear of failure, and reluctance to change will push you to resist and over-emphasise what is a risk and its downside.  You will also doubt your ability to cope with any negative consequences, as they strike right at the heart of your need to be perfect.

A more growth-oriented mindset tends towards challenge.  Risk is not to be feared and you can cope with failure.  Setbacks are not devastating but used to reflect and redefine the next stage of action.

So are you a worrier or a warrior? Or are you just growing into your next challenge?

Thanks to Ann Rennie and Carol Deck ‘Mindset: The New Psychology of Success’, Stanford University Psychologist and author of MindSet, Random House 2006.

If any of the issues raised here strike a chord with you, then do give us a call on 01865 881056 or email us at info@shineconsulting.co.uk .

The post Your mindset and your assessment of risk appeared first on Shine Consulting.